I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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