spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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