i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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