I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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