I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
