im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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