just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
