its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
