Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
