take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
