So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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