I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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