Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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