i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
