How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
