Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
