she kept yelling 'call me bella'
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
