apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
