If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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