It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
