peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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