Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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