yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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