At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
