New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
