Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
