When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
