I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
