Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
