why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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