Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
