I'm so fucking centered right now
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
