NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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