threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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