i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
