Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
