even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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