it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
