So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
