I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think I won the penis lottery.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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