too bad you live with your parents still
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
