if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
