see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
