she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
