can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
