This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
