girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
