I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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