my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
