Duck Duck Cougar?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
