you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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