I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
