hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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