Your face is a jimmy john
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
