this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
