You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
