I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
