Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
