So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
