You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
