Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize