Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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