I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
