what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize