Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
