I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
