I have demons in me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
