This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
