went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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