Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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