they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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