I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
