I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize