I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
